


Strawberry Garden.

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Anxiety, Based off of real experiences, Brothers, Comfort, Depression, Eventual Happy Ending, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, Hh this probably sucks so badly, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm just bad at writing, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Loneliness, M/M, Not Beta Read, Personal Growth, Sad, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 01:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 10,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22625335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In which Lovino decides his fucking hates everything and the only good thing about his life is a strawberry garden and his brother.
Relationships: Germany/North Italy (Hetalia), South Italy/Spain (Hetalia)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 71





	1. Uno.

Lovino officially hated highschool. And his life. He hated both the passion of a million burning suns. Feli would question him everytime he said something like that. Curse Feli and his good natured attitude. It is so tiring that he was born with him. Curse everything in his life.

“Lovino. Pay attention.” His teacher snaps at him in the middle of her lesson. He looks up at her from his notes. They are largely empty compared to everyone else's. He doesn’t care. He doesn’t bother to say anything, keeping his mouth shut instead. He was on the verge of getting detention, again, and he didn’t want to deal with it. He didn’t want to sit in a room with nothing to do but feel bad for himself for an hour, he did that enough already.

He goes back to writing his notes as the teacher goes on and on about nothing he cares about. It’s a constant cycle. Everyday is just another boring ass Spanish class. In Lovino’s opinion, he doesn’t need to take a foregin language. He was a purebred italian, for fucks sake, he didn’t need spanish. He begins to space out again, the teacher quickly takes notice again..

“Lovino Vargas!” She hisses at him again.

“What the hell do you want?!” He snaps back. There’s a small gasp from a kid beside him. It only further annoys him. 

“See me after class.” The teacher says, glaring his way. He glares back. There’s a small ding sound as the bell rings at the perfect time. It makes Lovino go up the walls in rage, though he doesn’t outwardly show it. Kids around him begin to shuffle around and walk out. The only one who ends up being left there is Lovino and the teacher.

The teacher pulls up a chair and sits across from him. It’s clear she wants to approach this situation in a calm manner, not wanting to anger the (clearly) upset Lovino any further. Her action is followed by silence.  
“Well?” Lovino asks, “If you’re going to give me detention go ahead and do it.” 

She shakes her head, “No. No. I’m not going to do that. I just want to talk about what’s wrong.” Lovino wants to scream at her for that comment. There’s a million things wrong! What don’t people understand about that! It wasn’t a singular thing. It was never a singular thing. Instead he bites his tongue.

“Lovino. You need to help me out here, you’re way less focused in class lately, so tell me what’s up.” It’s more of a demand than anything. Lovino comes up with the conclusion that the teacher only cares about the fact that he’s failing her class rather than his mental problems, which seems to be the truth because of her statement. Plus, she wouldn’t know what to do about his... problems. The fact he was currently in grief, or the fact his baby brother, who was still a tiny middle schooler, was being bullied by some asshats in his grade level. Despite previous statements, his brother is one of the only good things he has left in his life. They’re all that they have at the moment. He ends up shrugging her off. 

She frowns. It’s not a frown out of sadness. Lovino thinks it is a frown out of disappointment. In him.In the fact that one of her students would dare fail her class. “If you keep this up I might have to call your parents.”

The singular mention of his parents nearly has him about to throw the desk in sheer rage. It’s another reminder of what he has been robbed of. Silence follows after this statement. The bell rings again, making a sharp pain flow through Lovino’s head. God. Fucking get him out of here! He adverts his attention away from the teacher, trying to get over with this conversation. She doesn’t want to let go of it quite yet though.

“How about tomorrow we can discuss things more in depth? We can give you more time to think about what’s wrong.”  
He doesn’t answer.  
“Listen, Lovino, you really have to try here. Just because you don’t want to pay attention in class doesn’t mean you should. I do things I don’t want to do all the time!”

Oh there it is. The classic: I do things I don’t want to do all the time! Lovino is so sick of it. It’s not that he doesn’t want to pay attention in class, he just can’t find the motivation to do so. There is a massive difference between not wanting to and not having the motivation to. He goes to pack up his bags.

“Tomorrow, then?” She says in a typical false cheery tone. He scoffs, which she luckily didn’t seem to pick up on. 

“Can’t. Have to help my brother.” There’s a reaction from the teacher, he can’t tell if it’s good or bad by the way he’s looking at her. 

“During lunch, then?” God damn it can’t she just take the fucking hint already?  
“Can’t. Have to do a project during lunch.” He makes up a lie on the spot. It’s part way true, he does have a project, he’s just not going to do it. The teacher gives him a look, one that he can’t make out. It’s probably one that can see through his very obvious lie. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow, then, during class.” No shit? It wasn’t like he would skip. Grandpa would fucking kill him.  
“Yep.” He gets up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. He goes to leave, glad he is finally done with that conversation.

“Oh, wait, Lovino?” His teacher pipes up as he makes it to the doorframe. He doesn’t bother turning around, he doesn’t want to see that stupid ass face again. “Study for that quiz tomorrow, okay?” Of fucking course.

That is the moment when he begins to officially hate highschool. With a final death glare at the teacher, he walks down the hallway and right out of the building. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!! I'm so sorry if this is extremely OCC!! I'm still fairly new at trying to write different personality types and so I wrote this as a way to try and do these different personalty types. I chose Romano as a lead b/c well,, he's very angry! And due to past experiences I tend to suppress my feelings of anger so writing angry characters happen to be my biggest challenge. Like the tag says this is based off of real experiences and real emotions!! I hope whoever reads this enjoys and that you leave a kudos and/or whatever else!!  
> Thank you a lot for reading my work!!  
> ~ Lily


	2. Due.

He had been walking for around thirty minutes when his grandpa’s car pulled up. He can tell it’s his grandpa’s car just by a single glance. It is a very unique car, at least to Lovino. He tries his best to ignore the goddamn car and continue on to his destination. His grandpa, however, clearly aware of where he was going,as he had tried this before it was nothing new, had other plans as it continues to closely follow him. God damn his stupid ass predictability. It felt like a god damn curse. Another example of the world fucking him over, not that he needs another example.

“Lovino?” His grandpa calls from the car. He mentally curses at himself. He doesn’t reply, he just keeps on walking. He doesn’t want to reply. It scares him to no end about what might happen if he does reply. He feels like he’s either going to get yelled at or grounded and Lovino doesn’t like either of those choices. There’s a short reply as grandpa waits, maybe even hopes, for Lovino to reply, but he doesn’t. There’s so much tension in the air. 

“Lovino? Please answer me.” It’s clear he must’ve gotten tired of waiting. He pauses mid-step, turning around a bit to the car. His grandpa’s voice sounds urget, it sounds like he is pleading like a small child. It almost sends Lovino nose-diving over a cliff at 100 MPHs, he really doesn’t want that to happen, for his family's sake.

“Yeah?” He decides to reply finally. He can almost hear the sigh of relief come from his grandpa. It makes the pain slightly less worse. It doesn’t completely erase it, however, it still pains him to know how much he stressed his grandpa out.

“Get in the car. Por favore.” His voice is firm yet caring. It makes him stop in his tracks and turn completely around. Lovino decides that in the end it’s not better for either of them if he puts up a fight, so he gets into the car. He squeezes into the backseat of his grandpa’s convertible. It’s an old, 1965 Ford Mustang Convertible. It is way older than both Feli and Lovino combined, however, it is reliable, or so his grandpa says, Lovino would beg to differ on some days. It holds many memories of summers spent in the Italian countryside, back when they still lived in Italy, when Feli was just born and Lovino was still a small child to when they were just turning 12 and 13. The memories of his time in Italy make him happy, but it also makes him sad, he can’t quite describe the feeling. All he knows is that he wants to be back in Italy. He wants to be back home. Italy is back where his heart belongs. Nothing will change that.

Back where they were truly happy and didn’t have to worry about the shitty state they were in. No worries in the world, at least not in Italy. New York doesn’t compare to the small apartment they had in Venice. In fact, America is beyond shit compared to the small room Lovino had in Italy, and that’s saying a lot. Lovino’s room looked like a shitty mess, however, it was a small part of the world that never failed to make him happy. New York does the opposite.

New York makes him feel sad and miserable. It’s too god damn cold in New York for its own good. He prefers the warmer weather of summer. Lovino’s skin while living in New York had never been more white. If his accent wasn’t a thing he would just blend into the normal crowd of Americans. It sucks. America sucks.

There’s silence that fills the car as neither of them speak. There were so many things to talk about, yet neither one wanted to bring it up. They are both scared of bringing up the events that have occurred over the past few weeks. It will end up with both of them crying like little bitch boys. Spoiler alert, he is a little bitch boy, he just doesn’t want to admit it, at least not out loud. Though in the end, silence is better for both of them.

Lovino watches the world go by as they drive away. It is bright, it is colourful, it rivals the scenes of chick flicks (which he doesn’t binge watch with Feli) where the girl meets her future husband, except in this chick-flick there is nothing but loneliness and the feeling of being completely empty, and Lovino in the end doesn’t get a boyfriend. Small, but harsh, tears flow down his face as he watches the world go by, “I want to go home.” He whimpers out. There’s a shift from the front seat. He is aware that he sounds pathetic. He sounds like he is a little kid again, back in his mom’s arms as they sit by the fireplace, and he hates it. Oh how much he hates it so much. He doesn’t want to be a little kid again, it’s too painful to think about that time.

“I know, Lovi, I know.” The reply from his grandpa sends him over the edge. It feels like he didn’t have a choice in the matter. He finally takes that dive off the cliff, but it feels more like a push. It is harsh, cold, and it is unforgiving, it is a feeling he never wants to feel again, but something tells him that he will end up getting used to it. 

It is not his proudest moment, but Lovino ends up crying in the backseat of his grandpa’s old , 1965 Ford Mustang Convertible. He’s been unfairly robbed of his heart, and of his entire world. He doesn’t get why the world could be so happy while he was so goddamn miserable. It felt like the world was laughing at his suffering. There was no way that will ever be fucking fair. Lovino really hates the world right now.


	3. Tre.

By the time Lovino had finished crying, they had already made it to the middle school. Lovino had only been to the middle school for 8th year and he loathed every second of it. The only benefit was the fact they got earlier summers and more break days, which meant Feli’s summer was already about to begin for the year. The fact that the middle school worked differently compared to the high school was bullshit. Lovino never got why high schoolers complained about middle schoolers getting earlier breaks, now he does. Middle schoolers really don’t do that much in comparison to the classes Lovino has at the moment, he deserves more of a break than those small bastards do. 

As they pulled up to the middle school Lovino could swear that some of those kids were glaring daggers at him. God, he would punch a middle schooler if he could. They were so annoying, small, and were the most entitled people he ever had the displeasure of running into. He watches as his brother makes his way through the small crowd of shits and slides into the car. He can see the fresh bruise on his face, and the small wetness on his face. He attempts to hide his face with his hoodie, but Lovino can see right through it, he is his brother, after all. Feli can’t hide anything from him even if he tried.

“ _ Hello _ !” Feli still manages to say with a happy attitude. He has a big, goofy smile on his face, despite just being beaten up and picked on by bastard children who have nothing better to do. It pisses him off to see his brother like that. Lovino’s only response is to give him a side hug. It is very tense, but in the end it comes from a place of pure love. It makes both of them smile. Grandpa has always said that their smiles could light up an entire city, Lovino doubts it, Feli’s smile could light up the entirety of Italy if Feli so wanted it too. Lovino’s smile could light up a singular street lamp and that was about it.

“ _ How was your day _ ?” His italian comes fluently. His family is the only people he feels comfortable speaking in his native language with. Everyone else gives his such confused looks when he even says a simple word in the language. 

“ _ It was great! Luddy was very helpful today and tried to be with me all day. It’s cute when he gets worked up like that.”  _ He giggles. “ _ Speaking of help! I need help with some of my homework. Luddy said he had to hang out with his older brother tonight. So please? _ ” Lovino, who was admittedly terrible at all subjects except for math, which was a family gift according to his grandfather, would always help Feli with his homework. It was nice to sit down with him and help explain history or basic grammar rules. It felt like true family bonding time with his brother when these times happened. 

“ _ Of fucking course, dipshit, you can have some help. You know you don’t need to ask me. _ ” He pats his back. Feli’s face lights up like a christmas tree. 

“ _ Thank you _ !  _ It’s math, it’s a study guide for the quiz tomorrow. _ ”

“ _ Gross _ ,” Lovino makes a fake spitting noise that Feli giggles at, “ _ Study guides _ .” He huffs. He always hated doing those stupid things no matter the class they were for. They were long and boring and no one bothered to do it half the time. 

“ _ I feel your pain. It was a massive pain in the ass doing study guides in school _ . _ I think we all hated when the teacher pulled one of them out from her desk. _ ” Grandpa speaks up. 

“ _ They had study guides in the 700s _ ?” Feli giggles again. They like to joke that their grandpa is really old. In reality their grandpa could probably ass at their father. Their parents had Lovino when they were highschoolers and had Feli not much that long after. To their parents they weren’t accidents, however, they were blessings that just came at the wrong time. 

“ _ I’m not that old _ , _ you little shit. _ ” His grandpa laughs. There’s a smile evident on his face. It looks a lot like Feli’s. Bright, goofy, and cheerful. Feli shares most of his grandpa’s facial features while Lovino shares his hair colour and eye colour. His mom always commented that they get most of their features from her side of the family. Which is very much true. 

Though most of their personality they got from their dad’s side. Feli acted just like their dad on the occasion. They had the same ditzy and airheaded personality and their mom found it utterly adorable. 

He remembers on many occasions when Feli would do something that she found to be really adorable she could pinch his cheeks, resulting in a small whine from the younger sibling. This exact thing, on rare occasions, would happen to him as well, which resulted in him complaining louder than Feli. He hated it when people, even if they were family, would touch his face without warning. The only exception to this rule is their cultural greeting, which Feli and Lovino still did as a way to bring their culture into America. They’d always get weird looks when this happened. Stupid Americans. 

Quickly their conversation ends. The only difference between this time and the last time is that the radio is turned up. It’s playing some cheesy pop song that he couldn’t care less about, they all seem to be the same these days.

The music drones on as Lovino places his forehead against the glass window. He watches as the world flies by as they begin to drive home. It is calm, however, Lovino is anything but calm. The events of what has happened drive him into an unstoppable word vomit of unforgiving insults in his head. Calm is the last thing Lovino ever will be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back to this story!! It's been a while and I'm honestly surprised people even clicked on this so uhhh ?? here we are  
> enjoy!!


	4. Quarto.

They arrive at home after a solid hour or so driving. Once again, just like any other day, the two brothers are left to their own devices as their grandpa quickly, and quietly, goes off to work. He works as a chef for a fancy restaurant that is locally owned. They’ll sometimes get free food, which always tastes amazing. Curse his grandpa for making delicious ass food, he wanted to be the one who made delicious ass food god damn it!

Lovino makes them a small dinner consisting of whatever he can find in the kitchen, which happens to include all the food grown in Lovino’s small garden in the backyard, one of the only good things about this place he reckons.

Lovino’s garden is rather small compared to all those big fancy farmlands that some people have, but it is a garden nonetheless and Lovino showers it everyday (mostly) with all the love it can get. His favourite item in the garden is the strawberries, which is something his mom helped him start growing, as it happened to be her favourite fruit of all time.

“ _It reminds me of you._ ” He distinctly remembers hearing her say one day as they sat by their tiny farm in Italy. “ _It is very sweet and plump, just like you sometimes, my precious baby_.” It’s a memory he remembers quite fondly. He was barely a teenager then. So young and naive. He truly had no idea what horrors the world could hold at the moment. 

He keeps them in her honour and everyday they seem to grow brighter and healthier. Parental love really is the best fertilizer, fuck miracle grow, he had his shit for free and it’s all he needed.

They bring their food upstairs. Typically they aren’t allowed to bring their food upstairs, however what grandpa doesn’t know won’t kill him, right? As long as they don’t make a mess they’ll be fine. They quickly set up their plans for tonight on their small coffee room table that sits in the middle of their room. It consists of various paints, canvases, some sheet music, Feli’s sketchbooks, and, of course, Feli’s homework. 

“ _So, dipshit_ ,” Lovino sneers at his smaller brother, who backs up a bit as a result, “ _You said you needed help_?” He sits at the side of the table that would be considered his side of the room. It is rather bare next to Feli’s assortment of various items.

Their room is set up in a weird way. Normally with shared rooms they’re split in two, however for them it wasn’t the case. Their beds didn’t directly mirror each other, they sat on perpendicular walls, with two small doors resting in between them, both of them for Lovino’s personal use. One is his bathroom while the other is his closet, where he just tends to shove whatever he doesn’t want to see in. 

Their only desk happened to be the small coffee table previously mentioned.

Feli shyly slides the study guide over to Lovino. There is a nervous smile painted on his face. 

“ _So, problem number one_.” He reaches around for a pen to use. You think with all the art supplies Feli kept around he would spare a pen or something? He eventually finds a pen hidden under Lovino’s assigned reading for the semester.  _ The Scarlet Letter. _ The fancy title pokes out at him. He doesn’t know what it’s about, he’s barely read the damn thing, hell he couldn’t even tell you the first word of the story. It irked the hell out of his english teacher, he doesn’t particularly care though, he was still failing english like it or not.

They begin to slowly make their way through Feli’s study guide. It takes a lot of faking crying and playful yelling to complete, but in the end they’re finished with it and Feli can finally rest easy. It makes Lovino proud knowing Feli did most of the answers by himself. 

“ _Lovi_?” Feli looks up from his sketchbook. He really was an amazing artist, everyone adored all his art. Lovino, of course, drew a lot of the time as well, he just didn’t like to show it off to anyone because for him it was way too embarrassing. “ _What about your homework_?” 

“ _What about it_?” He sits up a bit, throwing the pen off somewhere. He hears it click onto the carpeted floor.

“ _Aren’t you going to work on it_?”

“ _Nah. Too lazy_.” He really is sometimes, okay maybe all the time. His parents had to physically force him to do his chores sometimes, and even then he still puts up a fight about it, which normally resulted in him being grounded more than once, at least it was better than the shitty chores he was forced to do. 

“ _But I thought grandpa said we had to do all of our homework_?” It’s an innocent question. It’s really a question only a tiny middle schooler would ask.

“ _Feli. Sometimes it’s better to not listen to what an adult figure says to you. You have to learn things on your own for once. That being said, however, if I dare catch you not doing your homework your ass is getting beat_.” It’s a threat he is both willing and unwilling to act on. “ _You may not always have to listen to grandpa, but you will always listen to me._ ”

Feli smiles widely, letting out soft bouts of giggles, “ _Yes, Lovi, sir_!” 

Lovino lets out a small smile at the reaction he was given. God, he loves his brother so much. “ _Alright, you big love bug, come over here_.” Feli makes his way to him, unbeknownst to him, however. Lovino drags him down into his lap, making Feli squeal out in surprise. “ _Lovi attack_!” He begins to attack him with tickles.

“ _Wait_! _Lovi-_ ” He squeaks out in between fits of his laughter. It fills Lovino with pure, unadulterated joy. He begins to laugh as well.

Yeah, Lovino at least had one good thing in his life at the moment.


	5. Cinque.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Small trigger warning for self harm depictions up ahead.

Lovino finds himself spending more time in his bathroom covered in his own red, sticky mess. The redness of his skin seems to calm down his worries of the day, the month, even the year. The worst part about his comfort is the mess he makes with both himself and his glorious shades of red that spill like fine wine across his smooth, pale skin. It threatens to stain the white tiles of his small bathroom like it would have stained the fine silk linen sheets of a rich roman man’s bed after he had finished his third bottle of sweet wine while the other two laid lazily on the bed while the rest of it’s undrunken contents spilled out. It is a horrible feeling that no amount of the beautiful red sticky liquid would ever seem to heal. It doesn’t mean he can’t try though.

He spends all night that first night cleaning up the mess he makes with bandages, bleach, various towels, and whatever else he can seem to find so that his family wouldn’t find out about what he’s done or doing. He doesn’t sleep because of the pure fear that just seems to seep through his veins his a certain little virus would. They would send him away to a place he would hate even more than New York. What if they sent him to live in Germany with the potatoes and overgrown men? He shivers inwardly at the thought of German men. Seriously, what the fuck did they feed those men? Maybe it was all the potatoes that helped them grow so big and strong. Feli’s boyfriend is german, maybe he would have the answers as to why the hell they were so big, and muscly, and a tad bit hot, not that he would admit that Feli had gotten such a catch as a boyfriend, though, because clearly Lovino had better taste in men he just had to prove it. He just had no way to prove it to him, yet. One day he would eventually shove it into his little brother’s face that his boyfriend is way more handsome and hot than Feli’s will ever be. 

He wouldn’t be able to prove it to Feli that his boyfriend was hotter if he ever got caught, that is. No no, he would lose his shit before that ever happened. He’d rather live in France with that annoying french guy in his lunch block that loved to bother him with his fancy cheeses that had nothing to do with the lunch he was having. He loves his family, and wouldn’t want to give them up because he is doing something that might distress them, he is above that and he believes they don’t need to lose another family member because he was stupid and didn’t clean up after himself. That’s just messy.

So, he hides his ways of mental comfort to his family. He wears longer sleeves. Which gets him some glances from his grandpa who tells him that it’s summer and that he needs the sun. He shrugs him off and assures him that it’s fine, he gets plenty of sun when he goes and gardens or when he totally doesn’t skip gym. His grandpa drops the subject as swiftly as he brings it up. He probably doesn’t want to go on forever arguing with Lovino. Lovino doesn’t want that either, so he quietly thanks him for dropping it. Because what he doesn’t know won’t kill him. Right? Lovino isn’t so sure of himself anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi this chapter is short,, I really didn't think there was much to say about this chapter so yeah,, enjoy!!  
> Small edit: I'd like to take this small little note to add the suicide prevention hotline. It's hard to reach out and get help but just know you can do it. Help is only just a text away sometimes. Stay safe, loves.  
> 1-800-273-8255


	6. Sei.

The summer afterwards could be summed up rather easily: hell on earth. He helps Feli with his summer reading project while ignoring his which he was sure would bite him in the ass by the time English came around and he got a big fat fucking F scribbled onto his sheet in red ink. This would in the end result in him failing his second English class and going back to summer school, which was what made his summer fucking hell.

When grandpa had heard the lovely news that he would be heading off to school summer he almost freaked out at him and grounded him. Almost. But now every night before he went to bed all his homework would be reviewed and looked over thoroughly, sans summer reading project which grandpa wasn’t aware of. He just hoped it would stay that way because surely he would get grounded if grandpa found out about that. 

And that is Lovino’s guide to passing 9th grade in an entire summer. It was a horrible experience and Lovino does not recommend it. It smelled awful, the people were no good troublemakers who looked down on him because he was one of the smaller kids, the teachers say no redeeming qualities behind him, etc. The only good part was that one of the older boys would buy him lunch because they took pity on him. Alfred Jones? He thinks that was his name. He was around his age but had actually managed to get a car before he did. Of course, Lovino could drive but he didn’t actually have a car to drive around. In the end it doesn’t really matter, though, he doubts he would be seeing Alfred around anyways, car or not. . 

He was finally glad he was over it now that he had his moments to relax in his bed in his room. Finally, he had finished working on his garden and had taken his time to rest. If he tilted his head just right from where he was sitting he could obverse his pride and joy. 

He sees the strawberry bushes and his chest is filled with bright colours. They were better than any of the stupid flowers bought from the store for her. He is more than positive she would’ve loved them more because they were hand grown and picked just for her, but it’s not like she can have an opinion now. 

Without missing a beat Lovino turns over on his side away from the strawberries. He watches Feli paint on his canvas that he got from their dad in Italy. He had so many Lovino wondering when he was going to run out of them. This was his 30th one? He could only guess as Feli seems to paint everyday without fail. He could never attempt to do that. 

Lovino slides up his bed, making sure to keep his fragile arms covered by the blanket as he does so.He knows Feli doesn’t know what’s going on and he wants to keep it that way for his and his brothers own good. It would kill Feli if he found out what he’s done. He’s also very cold so there’s that and he forgot to wear his hoodie and all his other long sleeve shirts were being washed. 

“ _ Hey, dipshit, what are you painting _ ?  _ I want to see it _ .” It comes off as a bit tougher and meaner than he intended. He silently curses at himself for sounding so mean to his little baby brother who deserves the world and more. 

Feli doesn’t seem to notice, or if he does he doesn’t say anything to him when he answers, “ _ Flowers. White lilies and blue cornflowers. They’re for Luddy. It’s a surprise gift for our anniversary in a few weeks _ .” He explains as he turns the canvas to him for a split second before turning it back. They’re for his boyfriend, of course they are, and for their anniversary coming up. Oh so romantic, Feli. He can get a boyfriend too if he wants. Maybe. He doesn’t reply to that statement as he watches Feli’s brush move across the canvas making streaks of blue and white clash against each other. He tries to not let his thoughts run wild with what they’ve been given. That ends up happening though and Lovino ends up getting a massive headache from everything his brain makes up. He ignores his pain.

“ _ What are you thinking about _ ?” Feli moves his brush down from the canvas, leaving a streak of sea green behind. His brown eyes are filled with nothing but concern as he gazes upon his older brother, who was cowering under the covers of his bed. Lovino’s chest fills back up with dull colours and rocks. That’s the only way he could describe what he was feeling. Rocks that sink to the bottom of his stomach and press against him, making him shakey, distressed, and nauseous. 

“ _ It’s none of your business _ .” He harshly snaps at Feli, who backs off for a second. He looks hurt, Lovino tries to push it down like the rocks in his stomach.

“ _ But, Lovi, our therapist says that- _ “ Feli attempts to begin, clearly trying to put into the best way he could. He’s heard this speech before again and again he’s tired of it, he doesn’t need his brother repeating the same mantra like he’s reading off the morning announcements.

“ _ Just shut up already _ !” He snaps again, completely shutting Feli down. If he had something to throw at Feli he would, so he’s glad there’s nothing around to throw because he knew for certain he would regret it. He catches Feli’s reaction for a split second before he decides it’s enough for him. He can’t stand the way Feli’s eyes fill with small tears and his face looks like his heart was just shattered into a million pieces by Lovino. With no words said between the two after that, Lovino turns back around and forces his face into the pillow. There’s an attempt to stop the water works before it begins, but it doesn’t work. He attempts to ignore the soft strum of a guitar outside and the rushing water in the bathroom of paint being cleaned from brushes. After two hours of blocking out the surround sound of his neighbour and his room, he cries himself off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> um,, hi,, I posted two days in a row b/c I had free time in my art class so uh please enjoy my work! I tried super hard on this one so hope you enjoy it! Thank you all for reading this far btw I know it's only chapter six and you've barely heard anything of our love interest but uhh I didn't want this to be a typical "boy falls in love and he's healed" type of story!! Lovino will grow on his own just like I did!! He just gets a boyfriend along the way as well so yay!!


	7. Sette.

After his outburst at Feli, life around his house had never been the same. His life was reduced to yelling and screaming over the tiniest things he found wrong with either himself or his family members. Entire weeks spent where his only interaction with people were yelling and getting worked over the smallest shit that probably wouldn’t be this way if he had just helped himself before it was too late, but alas, he was so far beyond the line of help at this point he couldn’t even laugh at his own misery.

His brain felt like someone turned on death metal music and turned it up to 200, and Lovino fucking hated death metal. And right now it was blaring.

“Dipshit, can you fucking move? I want to go back to my room.” Lovino shouts at Feli from the backdoor. He had just finished tending his garden for the day and wanted to go back to his room for his daily depression nap.

“Can you stop getting angry at me for one minute? Maybe then I’ll move.” Feli says back to him.

Lovino’s blood boils and he resorts to shoving Feli out of the way instead of asking again. He hates repeating things twice. He lands with a thud on the ground and lets out a small cry of pain. It takes 2 seconds for Lovino to process what happened to his baby brother, 3 more to realize that he’s the one who caused it, and 5 more to crumple down to the floor along with him in raging tears.

For once in his life, Lovino feels like the world's biggest asshole. The fact he put his baby brother into that much distress for his own selfish reasons is cause enough for him to feel the way he does. He was his big brother who was supposed to protect him at all cost, but here he was. Being an asshole.

Lovino had a mental breakdown that night in that exact same moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops, small chapter, in the original this wasn't that long either so uhh F


	8. Otto.

Lovino can’t bring himself to get out of bed and face his family the next morning or the day after that. He hides under sheets that clearly need to be washed so badly, but he can’t find the self motivation to get out of bed. The carpet floor has seemed to become his enemy. 

The only things he can seem to do is listen to Feli talk to Luddy on the phone, listen to the soft sounds of brushes hitting a canvas over and over, and stare at his garden from where his window lies. They need to be watered. They desperately need to be fed.

He rolls over in his bed, letting out an audible groan. That morning Feli and grandpa left the house. Quick math tells him he has ten minutes left before they come home. Sliding both of his legs out of his sheets, he touches the ground and gets up. The sensation leaves him dizzy and he almost topples over from the movement. His head spins as he tries to rebalance himself and move. 

He moves to the stairs, fearing the worst possible outcome from this. As he moves down the stairs he can’t help but topple over a bit. It’s a painful process, but in the end he makes his way to the kitchen. 

In painful silence he gathers all the material he needs for the garden and makes his way out towards it. Instantly, he seems to feel better. The small little garden he has grown to love has a natural charm to it that seems to make him happier no matter what’s been going on. He begins to tend to his tiny part of the world, humming a small song that his mom sung to him when he was a tiny child.

“Hello, mama.” He takes the strawberry plant into his hands. They’re delicate and frail so he treats them with the utmost care. “I’m sorry, I haven’t seen you in a small while, it’s been a rough two weeks I’m sure you’d understand.” There’s no reply as Lovino begins to tend to the strawberry plants.

“Hey.” Lovino jumps at the unfamiliar voice. His face is flushed red. Did they hear that?

“Oh, I’m sorry.” The voice returns with an apology. He looks up to see who it is. It’s his neighbor. He had never formally meet his neighbor or even knew him by name, all he ever heard from him was the stupid guitar he played every night without fault sans when it was raining. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” The neighbor is situated on top of the fence. His skin is way too tan for him to be from New York, his hair was ridiculously curly, and hazel eyes stood out against a freckled face that seemed to mimic stars. 

There’s a quiet hush as Lovino moves to cover himself up. He feels exposed, like a predator about to catch its prey. He hates it so much.

“I’m Antonio.” His neighbor, Antonio, greets. “I’ve seen you around school before and I thought I would introduce myself.”

“You’re a highschooler?” Lovino cocks an eyebrow at him. Antonio easily could’ve passed off as 24 if he wanted too. He really couldn’t believe this man was any sort of highschooler even if there was evidence right in his face.

Antonio seems to find the question funny as he laughs. “Yep, starting my sophomore year next year.” He looks down at Lovino suddenly, making him shrink up again, “So, your name is Lovino, isn’t it?”

“Oh what’s it to you, bastard?” Lovino turns away harshly, trying to go back to his beloved strawberries, “Go back to your own goddamn business and leave me alone, how about that?”

“Ah, so it is Lovino, then.” 

He decides to ignore him.

“What plants do you have in your garden?” Antonio leans over to look. 

Lovino continues to water his plants, ignoring the dumbass on the fence.

“Oh! Are those tomatoes?” Antonio says, very cheerfully. “Tomatoes are my favourite fruit.” God, will this dumbass ever shut the fuck up? It annoyed the shit out of Lovino. Antonio just goes on and on about nothing. He reminds Lovino of one of those small dogs who never quit their loud, high pitched barking.

“Will you shut the fuck up!” Lovino throws something at Antonio, who falls off the fence with a loud crash. The sound makes Lovino wince in pain.

“Lovi?” He hears Feli call out from the front yard. Fuck. Lovino quickly packs up all his shit and runs back inside. God, how much he just wanted to curl up and die right there and then.


	9. Nove.

Lovino hates that stupid face of Antonio’s. Everyday he doesn’t fail to climb the fence separating the two houses and do something that would lead to Lovino’s annoyance. Though, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, the guitar is nice background noise sometimes. Lovino can only recall some songs that he plays, but Antonio plays all of them with such grace and melody he can’t help but think they’re better than the original. 

The one problem with this is that because of him, Lovino hasn’t been able to check his garden because of that bastard of a man. Thank god for the rain because without it his precious plants would most likely be dead. The rain right now is the best friend that will do anything for you without question. Even if it isn’t true, it is oddly comforting knowing that the rain has his back in these hard times because he’s worsened in both physical and mental health.

Majority of the time, Feli has had to bring his food, homework, and whatever he needs up to the bed he currently resides in. He never asks Feli to do these things. He wonders if it’s because Feli doesn’t want to watch him die in his own bed. So he asks.

“It’s my job as a brother.” His tone is sweet, caring. It sends a spark to Lovino’s heart that just tells him that Feli is somehow aware of the dreadful actions he has taken against himself. When the thought crosses his mind he feels like his brain is on fire with panic and anxiety. The small protest of a thought has sent him into more panic than he wants to admit to even himself. 

But what really sends him into the flutters of panic attacks is the moment his grandpa tells him that he wants to sign them back up for school in the fall. Lovino, as much as a plant nerd he was, didn’t really seem to notice the summer season was ending. Judging by the word choice he has maybe a week or two to pull himself together before the school year. 

Feli was going to be starting off as a highschooler this year. It seemed to be an exciting thought for Feli. Finally, it was a moment to be with the big leagues. A chance to really show off your hidden talents in all those academic learning courses. Lovino knows better. 

He wants to go to his mom for help but fucking Antonio doesn’t learn when it’s time to fuck off. Mentally he gives himself a month to either get Antonio to leave or face himself but he knows he won’t do it. He is way too weak.

“Lovino?” A knock at the door. It was his grandpa. “It’s dinner time.” He turns his head to face the door. There’s complete silence from the two of them. Neither want to speak. No feet touch the floor, no mouth moves, and no door opens.

“Lovino. I know you’re awake. I heard your head move.” His grandpa breaks the silence first. It’s painful. 

“Can you bring it up here? I’m tired.” The voice that comes out isn’t his own. It is weak, it is frail. The voice is very pathetic and not like him. It sounds like it smoked a pack of ciggies and just plans on going on until it is forced to stop.

“No.” Comes the simple reply. “I want us to be a family again, Lovino. Which means family dinners.” The words strike him to his very core. He is completely powerless in this situation, isn’t he? 

“Let me get dressed then, please.” The silence returns. The stones fall back into Lovino’s stomach. 

For the first time in weeks, Lovino slips his leg out of the bed and onto the floor. He’s gotten used to the feeling of being knocked away from his safe space so it takes a shorter while to recover from the initial shock. After a small while of searching around the room, Lovino finds a beige hoodie and black sweatpants to wear and heads downstairs.

The things he hears as he walks down the staircase is more than music to his ears. It is the sound of all that is happy and joyous in the word and how does he miss it more than anything. The sound he hears is his baby brother and grandpa speaking to each other in italian. 

Even quicker than before, he makes his way down to the table and sits down. The sweet smell of good food fills his nose. His stomach lets out a noise to the scent of it. He feels like a dog but he really doesn’t care at the moment. The giggle of Feli makes him perk up. Feli’s soft hands slide the plate in front of him. It’s pizza. Actual, homemade pizza! His heart flips and skips multiple beats as he digs into his favourite food. For the first time that entire summer, Lovino seems to enjoy himself. It almost makes him cry. Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi so this has been getting more attention as of recent and holy shit thank you all so much! To those of you who have left a kudos, bookmarked, commented, etc. you all are so kind to me and you all deserve the world and more! Thank you for being a somewhat avid reader of my bullshit your support means both the world and the stars to me.   
> Anyways back to the topic of the fic, I am very excited we are about to reach 10 chapters!! Yay!!


	10. Dieci.

It is the night before the first day of school. Grandpa is out for work again so Lovino and Feli are trapped in their room till either one of them passes out or the sun comes up. He and Feli are playing uno with each other. It’s the first time all summer that they’ve actually bonded with each other. They begin to lose track of time as one round turns into two, two into four, and four into seven. The only thing that gives him a clue as to what time it is the simple hum of guitar strings and sweet words mumbled into the wind.

It is past 8 but not quite 9. Antonio’s songs change with the hour. Right now the songs he plays are simple Spanish love ballads that seemingly reach both the heart and the soul of the listener. But it’s not like Lovino was paying attention to all the song changes and melodies that played outside his window, that was absurd. It’s just that he could pick up on somethings, ya know?

Feli makes a comment on the behaviour of his older brother. “ _Listening to the neighbor, are we_?” He asks, placing down another card. Green. 

“S _hut up, little shit_.” He gently smacks the top of Feli’s head in a small little warning. Feli lets out a small little false cry, making Lovino’s lips curl up at the ends.

They go back to their game of uno, this time, however, Lovino’s ears pick up on more of the small little changes in the way Antonio plays. It wasn’t like he was paying that much attention or anything, though, Lovino was just good at picking this type of shit up is all.


	11. Unidici.

It’s the first day of his second year of high school. He is tense, and most importantly, not fucking prepared. In contrast, Feli is perfectly prepared and all hyped to go two hours before they’re even supposed to be awake. Lovino finds it adorable how his brother looks. Big backpack that was threatening to fall off his shoulders, way too many highlighters and pens, too many books, and a shit ton of snacks. 

“You really don’t need that much shit, you know?” Lovino grumbles at him.

“Well, you never really know, do you?” Feli hums back at him. He’s kind of right, and Lovino knows it. There’s been plenty of times where he needed something he didn’t bring, so better to be safe than sorry. 

Lovino doesn’t reply to him, only harshly smacking his rear as a warning sign. Feli lets out a huge gasp in reply, shutting up very quickly. For the rest of the way to class, they are both quiet as a mouse.

Luckily for the two of them, they both had managed to snag the same geometry class together. Lovino had only managed to pass his algebra 1 class but a 70%, which made it the only class he had managed to pass last year. His baby brother, Feli, had the chance to take algebra in junior high, which now lands him here in geometry.

After the long walk to the math hall they had finally made it to their first class of the day. As they entered the classroom the teacher poked his head up from the desk. He wishes them a quiet good morning as they scan around the classroom looking for seats together. They eventually find them. A pair of three desks sitting near the back of the room.

“Hey!” A voice calls out to him. He shivers slightly, having heard that voice sing to the wind multiple times. “It’s really cool to see you here, too.” The freckled face bastard of a man slides in next to Lovino and Feli.

Lovino lets out a grumble in reply to him. He can hear the small little giggles of Feli as he watches the two of them. Maybe if Lovino just ignores the two of them for the rest of class he can skip by without having to talk to them that often? Hopefully.

With a loud start, the bell rings and the first official day of his 2nd year of highschool officially starts. Lovino knew this was going to be a long ass year. God, fucking shoot him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. I did it lads, it's only been a month. Thank you for all the support this story has been getting!! I'm really insecure when it comes to sharing writings and since this one has a shit ton of my personal experiences in it I can only hope people took it to it kindly.


	12. Dodici.

The class had felt like it had gone on forever. While the teacher was nice, the classmate that shall not be named, was the literal devil. He wouldn’t stop talking at his fucking friend Francis from across the room. It made both him, and the teacher, outwardly annoyed with him. There was a lot of smacking as a result of the devil not shutting the fuck up. By the end of class, He would have a big ass bruise as a result of Lovino’s constant smacking. It was very rewarding.

By the end of class, Antonio was quieter than a mouse. He was very aware not to fuck with Lovino.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I am back with my shortest chapter. I'm sorry for not posting for over a month I got a really bad depression spike and didn't feel motivated to do anything. Thank you for being patient and understanding.


	13. Tredici.

Spoiler alert: Lovino had a whole other class with the devil himself, and of course, it had to be the class he was most excited for: culinary. 

“Lovino!” He hears the chipper call of the man as he’s sitting in class. Antonio takes the seat next to Lovino. He only spares Antonio a glance, not bothering to say anything. 

“So… um, you like cooking too?” Antonio asks him. Lovino leans back in his chair and crosses his arms.

“Yes, isn’t that obvious, fucking dumbass? I’m here for a reason, aren’t I?” He huffs. Antonio shrinks up a bit, nodding his head. If he thinks it’s going to be easy making friends with Lovino, he has another thing coming. In fact, Lovino thinks it’s adorable that Antonio thinks he has a chance with him.

They sit there waiting for class to start. Antonio is on his phone, obviously texting someone. There’s a small smile on his face, Lovino notes that it looks really goofy. There’s a tight feeling in Lovino’s chest as he looks at him. It’s a feeling he can’t really explain or understand.

After a few more minutes of waiting, the teacher walks in and introduces herself. Class begins rather quickly and despite the devil in class with him, he enjoys the class. Antonio works rather quietly, Lovino finds himself enjoying it. Oddly, Lovino couldn’t wait to taste Antonio’s cooking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another short chapter, but I'm going to be mass posting these pretty soon so Uh, be on the lookout for that I guess?


	14. Quattordici.

When Lovino gets home the first thing he does is crash on his bed and sleep. By the time he’s awake again, Feli is sitting at their small coffee table, food already set up for the both of them. He’s painting again, from the angle he’s looking at it from it looks coconuts. It’s completely quiet as Lovino watches Feli go to work with his painting. Lovino thinks it’s mesmerizing to watch Feli paint with what seems like mundane colours and turn it into a masterpiece. Feli and him just see colours differently, apparently.

“I like it.” Lovino breaks the silence. Feli does a little jump when he speaks up. He looks over at Lovino, and he can see the very harsh red hue on his face.

“Thank you.” He squeaks out. His shoulders are tensed up.

“...You thought I was dad for a second, didn’t you?” It was no secret that Feli was closer with their dad than Lovino was. Feli’s head goes back to his painting. Small little tears begin to paint the canvas instead.

Lovino willingly gets out of his bed to go comfort his little brother. They spend that night in each other’s arms, crying their hearts out to each other.


	15. Quindici.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, if you or anyone you know is having these kind of thoughts, please contact the proper authority.  
> Suicide Hotline: 988 or 1-800-273-8255  
> Sexual Assualt Hotline: 800-656-HOPE (4673)  
> Crisis Hotline: Text home to 741741  
> Thank you. Please take of yourselves and I'll always be here to help if you need me.  
> I care for everyone reading my stories, thank you all lots for continuing to read.

The rest of the week goes by slowly. Lovino falls into the same mindset of hating high school again. It’s back to spending every night curled up in the bathroom, surrounded by his guilt. He knows he shouldn’t do it, but he still does it over and over. He can’t seem to wrap his head around it.

Lovino does he his best to hide it. If anyone knew it’s not like they’d care, he decides. Maybe if he keeps telling himself that it’ll become true.


	16. Sedici.

The next week after that is equally as horrible, if not worse. He forces Antonio to do the dishes, writing it off as his own laziness. Antonio does them anyway, asking a few short questions. Lovino answers them flawlessly, already have planned for the endless questioning.

Though, something about the way Antonio looks at him makes him scared. He can tell that the chestnut-haired man doesn’t believe a single word he’s saying. But it’s not like that made a difference, he doesn’t care either way.

This week is also the week he gets his first failing grade. It’s in English, for some stupid essay he didn’t bother to do. The teacher doesn’t even spare him a glance when she hands him the sheet back. He doesn’t care enough for this. He never finished, or even read, that shitty book she had assigned for them over the summer. He hates this class with all of his being. Feli laughs at him when he makes that comment.

“You’re not that tall,” He giggles, “Must not be a lot of hate.” Lovino makes sure he’s wiggling on the floor in pain after that comment.

Hanging out with his brother seems to be the only good thing about his life.


	17. Diciassette.

He begins to spend his spare time in the garden, talking to his lovely strawberry plants. He reckons it’s a better way to cope than spending time in the bathroom. He loves watching his pride and joy grow big and strong with all the love he’s given them. Apart of him believes that his mom lives on in his strawberries as well. 

He gets a bit quiet after that thought. Lovino shifts a bit in the dirt. The silence is deafening.

“..You know… it’s probably better if I tried my best to move on. I know it’s not that easy to just… forget and move on. I probably need some kind of professional help, but I’ll try to do my best by myself for now. It’s time to accept you’re not coming back.” He lets out a deep sigh. Small tears slide down his face. There’s no one who replies to him. The strawberry plants sway in the wind.

“I mean. I can’t keep living like this. Waiting for my parents to come back when I know they won’t.” His body racks with a sob. “I mean. Hell. I’m talking to these stupid fucking plants as if they could hear me. I’m sure my mom is laughing at me from up in heaven.”

He clears his throat, “God, I look so stupid.” He sighs again, “I need to do better for the both of us though. I love you.” He spares one last glance at the small garden, and heads back into the house, trying to ignore his tears.


	18. Diciotto.

In all his efforts of moving on he: had done something to himself that he now terribly regrets, forgotten to eat one too many days and had passed out, and finally he had managed to overcome his fear of people not caring. The first person he manages to open up too is Feli He first remembers telling him when Feli was spoon-feeding him pannacotta while Lovino laid on his bed. Feli is talking about the importance of family and of each other. He talks at length about how they’re brothers and how they need to take care of each other. Lovino wasn’t sure what brought upon this conversation. “Feli.” He interrupts him, “I have something I want to say.” The little formality he does is odd, he’s used to saying what he wants when he wants. Nonetheless, he spills everything to Feli. From the day in Italy, from that day in high school, he goes on and on about Antonio and how his stupid ass smile could light up worlds, to his arms and all the scars that lay across them, to the garden he took care of outside of the house and what it meant to him, and how he’s felt like he’s fucked up and is a big disappointment to everyone in his life. At the end of what felt like an hour-long rant, Lovino lays his head back on the pillow. Feli gently pulls up his sleeve, and Lovino lets him. His gentle eyes exam his scars. “If you had waited any longer, some of these might’ve gotten infected, you know that right?” “I didn’t.” “Figured as much.” Feli sighs, “Let me go get first aid for you, then.” He gently sets down Lovino’s arm down, almost as if he was scared he might hurt it if he wasn’t careful with it. Lovino turns his head to the window as Feli leaves. He can see Antonio sitting on the fence. He gently strums his guitar. It’s a song he can swear he’s heard so many times before. He can’t really figure out why Antonio is so obsessed with it. It’s an old, cheesy, Spanish love song. Antonio mindlessly sings along to it as he strums the strings. Lovino isn’t that much of a singer, but that night, as Feli works on his arm, he can be heard gently humming along to the lyrics. You can kill Lovino’s hope, but not ever, will you be able to kill his heart.

In all his efforts of moving on he: had done something to himself that he now terribly regrets, forgotten to eat one too many days and had passed out, and finally he had managed to overcome his fear of people not caring. The first person he manages to open up too is Feli

He first remembers telling him when Feli was spoon-feeding him pannacotta while Lovino laid on his bed.

Feli is talking about the importance of family and of each other. He talks at length about how they’re brothers and how they need to take care of each other. Lovino wasn’t sure what brought upon this conversation.

“Feli.” He interrupts him, “I have something I want to say.” The little formality he does is odd, he’s used to saying what he wants when he wants. Nonetheless, he spills everything to Feli. From the day in Italy, from that day in high school, he goes on and on about Antonio and how his stupid ass smile could light up worlds, to his arms and all the scars that lay across them, to the garden he took care of outside of the house and what it meant to him, and how he’s felt like he’s fucked up and is a big disappointment to everyone in his life. At the end of what felt like an hour-long rant, Lovino lays his head back on the pillow.

Feli gently pulls up his sleeve, and Lovino lets him. His gentle eyes exam his scars. “If you had waited any longer, some of these might’ve gotten infected, you know that right?”

“I didn’t.”

“Figured as much.” Feli sighs, “Let me go get first aid for you, then.” He gently sets down Lovino’s arm down, almost as if he was scared he might hurt it if he wasn’t careful with it.

Lovino turns his head to the window as Feli leaves. He can see Antonio sitting on the fence. He gently strums his guitar. It’s a song he can swear he’s heard so many times before. He can’t really figure out why Antonio is so obsessed with it. It’s an old, cheesy, Spanish love song. Antonio mindlessly sings along to it as he strums the strings. Lovino isn’t that much of a singer, but that night, as Feli works on his arm, he can be heard gently humming along to the lyrics.

You can kill Lovino’s hope, but not ever, will you be able to kill his heart.


	19. Diciannove.

The next day at school he’s ready. Ready to tell Antonio, ready to be better at his school, and most importantly, ready to help himself. He arrives to school early to seek out the devil himself. Antonio is with his friends when Lovino approaches. He didn’t bother to remember their names. 

There’s silence as Lovino basically ripes Antonio away from their group. He can hear the jokes from his two idiot friends as he pulls him along.

He drags Antonio into a broom closet and locks the door behind them. It becomes oddly quiet as Lovino takes a seat on the trashcan lid. After a few minutes, Antonio and him embrace in a hug.

Antonio gently pets his hair as they hug.

“Don’t touch my hair.” Lovino growls at him.

“Sorry.” Antonio whispers back, retracting his hand.

After a while, they pull back. “Speak of this to anyone, and you’ll never see the light of day again.” Antonio laughs at him. “I’m being serious.”

“It’s just so cute to see you being-” He’s interrupted by a swift kick to the balls.

“Do you find that cute?” Lovino rolls his eyes at him.

“No.” Antonio wheezes in pain. Lovino smirks at him. 

“Good. I’ll see you first period then.” He leaves the broom closet. It was a pretty fun day after that.


	20. Venti.

The year that follows is part of the worst and best years of his life. He manages to pass all of his classes. Him and Antonio have made amazing friends and are beginning to work on something more. Antonio is patient and is willing to change the pace to match Lovino, and he is forever grateful for him.

Lovino finally manages to get himself therapy and he enjoys the sessions he has, even if at first he didn’t think they were helpful or needed. 

Him and Feli have grown so much more closer than they have before. He was there for the first, and hopefully last, boyfriend Feli had. His brother is the best thing he’s ever had.

Despite it all not being okay, Lovi will make the best of what he will do with what life gives him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the ending is super short and super open ended, but, I wanted to base it off of my own experiences with mental health, anxiety, depression, etc. I'm not quite done with my personal growth and experience and I didn't want to leave a fic unfinished forever, so I made my own ending to my own story. What I said sounds really cheesy.  
> But yes, I am finally finished with this fic. It has taken many months and many many spikes in my mental health but we are finished. 100%.  
> Thank you so much to everyone who had made it this far, left comments, left kudos, shared with friends, etc. It all means so much to me and I'm so so so so glad you enjoyed my work. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. It means the world to me. <3.


End file.
